Monday, April 9, 2012

Appreciating the Wait?

So, the other day, D and I had a fairly typical conversation as we were getting ready for work.

D: Did you pay the mortgage?
B: Sigh...Why am I not pregnant? (I am the queen of the non-sequitur like this)
D: I know I saw the paper on the kitchen table yesterday...briefly turns attention to's just not our time yet baby. But when it is, we'll appreciate it all the more.

And at this point in our melodrama, cue wife longing to (lovingly) punch well-meaning husband in the throat.

I hate the idea that not getting pregnant right away has to do with me appreciating it more. Trust me, if last April I had gotten knocked up, I am pretty sure I would have loved, cherished and appreciated my baby. I don't think I needed a year to let feelings towards my own potential offspring grow.

However, since I am feeling in an optimistic, generous mood (I am leavened by all the Easter chocolates), I will give D the benefit of the doubt and say, while I will not appreciate my baby anymore when it finally (god willing) comes, there are some things that may have benefited from this wait.

1. Pregnancy: Again, I would always have loved to be pregnant (not entirely true. In my college days, I was known to liken being pregnant to having a parasite inside you, but that was back in the foolish days when I thought birth control was a necessary purchase. Anyhow, I digress. I would have always loved being pregnant since I decided I wanted it). However, I am not sure I would have loved all the accoutrement that goes along with it - the morning sickness, swollen body, stretch marks, etc.. Now, I feel like I am looking forward to throwing up. I feel like I will look at every element of the process as a badge of honor and will gladly undergo some uncomfortableness for the reassurance that I am, in fact, pregnant (of course, the superstitious side of me is now sure I have wished upon myself a whole host of horrible symptoms when the time comes...just to be clear universe, I will also be a.o.k with skating blithely by with no symptoms as well).

2. Relationships: Over the past year I have opened up to many, many, people about the process of trying. And I have developed so many stronger and greater relationships for it. My one coworker, with whom I was always close, confided she tried for 11 years before she finally adopted her son. Another coworker, with whom I had only been fleetingly close, disclosed a chemical pregnancy she had in December. I then told her about our trying and it turns out we go to the same BFF. Since then, we go to weekly coffee updates and text each other encouraging news. A similar thing happened with another girlfriend of mine. We had been close, but had drifted apart. When she offered me left over OPKs from the days when she was trying (and suffered two miscarriages), I wound up opening up to her. Since then she has been invaluable with council, support and advice. And this is just a handful of the people who listen to me and root for me everyday. I have been amazed (and saddened) to discover how many people have struggled to get their babies and I am grateful to hear their stories and gather more strength from their experiences. It has added a layer to all of those relationships that I might otherwise have missed out on.

So, again, given my druthers, I would be holding a three month old right now. However, I refuse to see this year (and the time that is still to possibly come) as a waste. While it may not have gone the way I wanted, I do appreciate that is has changed me, and in some ways for the better. Now, if anyone tells D that I slightly agree with him, I will deny everything.

So I open it up to the interwebs ... Anyone else find something they can appreciate about the wait? Or, are you wanting to punch me in the proverbial throat right now as well?


  1. Oh, you are so right. On the one hand, I feel like I too will embrace m/s and the entire birthing process much more now than I would have if this whole making-a-baby thing hadn't been so damn hard. But I'm going to poke the next person in the eye with a fork that says "I admire you for your strength". Because really, what alternative is there?!

    1. agreed. I think it is really one of those things you can only say for yourself ) - it is not appreciated coming from other people (kinda like only you can complain about your family, but anyone else better watch their back).