So I tested today. My plan was to wait until Sunday (12DPO), but Wednesday's testing out of the trigger was like a gateway peestick. It took all I had not to test yesterday. So when I woke up at 4:40 this morning, wide awake and with a bladder full of pee, I took it as a sign.
It was negative, of course.
I have not even shed any tears. There was no outrage of indignation. No wash of self pity. Just "of course".
I know that many other people have tested at this point, gotten a negative, and gone on to have BFP. So I do know it can happen, and I wish I were optimistic. But I am just not feeling it. I truly can't believe that it will be me.
However, all peesticks in the house should be on high alert. It is on!