Saturday, December 8, 2012

12 - 13 week happenings

This week I am officially 13 weeks. Spitting distance to the second trimester. It can't get here soon enough.

We had our NT scan last week and I came back as "pending" which is apparently as good as it can get at this stage, saying that we are at low risk for downs, trisomy, and neural tube defects. Seeing the baby during the NT scan was the first time I really felt pregnant - it started to sink in that we have a baby in there and we might actually have a chance (excuse me while I go knock on every piece of wood in the house). It was amazing to see the baby jumping all over the place. We thought it had hiccups, but the tech said it was just launching itself off the uterus because there was so much room. Truthfully, due to the energy level of this little guy or girl, I am suspect that it might not be a baby, but a Labrador retriever we have in there...it reminded me an awful lot of our puppy Luna.

Anyhow, the heartbeat still looked good (165), so we decided the time had come to start telling people. In my case, this meant making an official work announcement. I was so so dreading this. I am completely, 100% socially awkward, and there is nothing I hate more than being the center of attention. Truly, I cringe. So the idea of standing up at a faculty meeting and announcing I was pregnant was giving me the heeby jeebies. And don't even get me started with the thought of telling my class! But, I put on my big girl pants (well, I have to - they are the only ones that fit) and told everyone, and of course it was very nice.

Little by little, I am also telling co-workers it was an IVF baby. Part of me thinks this is way too much to share with people that aren't family and intimate friends, but another part of me thinks, why the heck not?! I want people to know that this was not easy, and, if anyone I am working with is struggling, I hope it lessens the pain of hearing the announcement a little bit. Of course, once I start talking about it I have a bit of verbal diarrhea...I am currently working on how to share without completely oversharing (socially acceptable: Yes we are still on medication. Less so: I am currently taking progesterone suppositories and am leaking as we speak. It seems like an easy distinction, but I scarily almost crossed that line the other day).

So now we are in a big waiting pattern. I am 14 weeks on Tuesday. However, I don't have my next doctor's appointment until January 4th (or, to say it in the dramatic fashion it sounds in my head: I don't have an appointment until next year!!!) and that is really scary to me. I tried using an at-home doppler today and I think it was invented to be evil and torture people. After 25 minutes, I may have found the heartbeat, but it it may also have been gas. Who knows? What I do know is that I need D to hide it from me so I have some shred of sanity left by our January appointment.

3 comments:

  1. Wow- 13 weeks! Unbelievable B! I can't imagine how scary it was to come out of the closet (so to speak) but at the same time it means that you are far enough along in your pregnancy for such things. And that, despite the fear, is worth it's weight in gold.

    Thinking of you often my friend.

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  2. Thank you so much. In my completely counter-intuitive logic, I feel more scared now that I shared, but I know that is not logical. However, most important, I do realize how lucky I am to even be at this point, and that takes my breath away often.

    I think of you all the time and am anxiously following your journey. xoxo

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  3. Yeay! How has this week been after the news has sunk in?

    I completely understand the rolling mess that is oversharing ;-) you feel so relieved to just tell the truth because really, doing IVF is like carrying this big thing around so it feels good to say, "I did this by IVF and I am on the other side!" and then you start giving details and before you know it more start coming than you'd planned :-)

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