I mean the voices inside your head. The voice that make you feel ridiculous for every pregnancy symptom you spot, or for getting your hopes up even slightly.
Journey, if you will, inside my head with me during the TWW:
B: Oh, cramping...maybe that is implantation!
MG (mean girl): Really? Because I am sure implantation feels juuuuuuust like gas. And those pangs would have nothing to do with eating Mexican for dinner last night.
B: Wow, four high temps in a row. I've never had temps so good before. This must be a good sign!
MG: Has the fact that we've had a week straight of 100 degree temperatures escaped your attention? *eyeroll*
B: Hmm, I think I see a second line on this test if I squint and hold it in dim light.
MG: I could nickname that test Betty White. You're pathetic, you know that, right?
I don't know if everyone has their inner mean girl, but I suspect if you have been trying this long, you do. The thing is, like real life mean girls, she pretends she is your friend. She is doing you a favor, protecting you from that bigger, badder bully hope. She's just keeping you grounded in reality so that you don't wind up hurt when you
But really, is hope that bad? I mean, what is the harm if I think my bout of IBS is actually a case of implantation cramps? Or if I want to pee on a million pregnancy tests in case the first few were defective (well, this does harm my bank account, but I don't think MG is worried about my bottom line)? Because I have to tell you, I've been talking myself down from hoping for many many months now, and that does not make the pain of my period coming any easier. It is still there. It still comes regardless of whether you are ready for it or not. So wouldn't it be nicer to let yourself hope and believe, at least for a little bit, that this could be it?
Honestly, I don't know. But, moving onto this next cycle, I think I am going to give my friendship with my inner Mean Girl a rest for a little while to find out.