Anyhow, my plan for yesterday was denial, denial, denial. I purposely left my phone in my car so I could not obsessively check the missed call log, and I purposely left work after the clinic closed so that it would definitely be a message. I figured out of sight, out of mind. And it surprisingly worked for most the day. In fact, as I was leaving, I felt at somewhat of a peace with the situation.
However, that peace only lasted until I got to my car. At 4:03, I left school and sure enough, there was a missed call on my phone. My heart started to pound and I felt sick. I anxiously picked it up and played the message, like ripping off a band aid. This is what it said (verbatim, because I replayed this message nearly a dozen times trying to read into it last night):
"Hi B. It's M. Good News.You numbers went up fine. I need you to call me back to schedule a fetal ultrasound for Tuesday, October 16."*
I nearly fell over in shock. And then immediately went into dissection mode. What does "fine" mean? Does "fine" mean the numbers doubled? Rose, but did not double? Am I out of the woods, or are they still concerned but don't want to subject me to more betas? And why the heck didn't she leave me the numbers (and this I only saw as a bad thing)?
I called back immediately, but since I got the message after the clinic closed at 4, of course no one was there to answer.
On the whole, I was relieved. I rationalized that nurse's
Today, I was able to speak with the nurse. I got my numbers. They are 1123. Based off of Monday's 573, we would have needed 1146 to double - so I am only 23 away. It is a doubling time of about 49.5 hours. While not the pace they originally doubled, it makes me feel better that our doubling time has shrunk again.
As for the worry, I don't think that will ever fully go away - especially the worry this is only a temporary reprieve. But it is one more hurdle passed, and for that I am grateful.
Especially because I can say, today, I am five weeks and 2 days pregnant :)
* I ran this voicemail by several non- IF friends. Not a one of them could see anything to worry about in that voicemail, so I am not sure if IF people will understand or truly everyone will think I am completely neurotic. But tell me, when was the last time you thought "fine" was a compliment? If D told me I looked "fine" before heading out, you better believe I would change...In the hierarchy of positive words, it definitely comes in at the bottom.