Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Subterfuge

First of all, thank you to everyone that commented and reassured me that the spotting was (is) probably nothing. Although the spotting has continued (every.freaking.day), today is my last day of the birth control pills, so I am ready to gleefully usher in my full-on period. Of course, my body being the perverse being that she is, I fully expect to get no AF now that I am ready for it.

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This week, I am taking my last vacation of the summer. Actually, it is quite a hectic week. For the first half, we will be traveling with my dad and step-mom. Then, we will spend the weekend with my in-laws who will be watching our dog and who have a big Labor Day party every year. When we first planned this outing, my only thoughts were of fun, relaxation, and fitting everything in while still setting up my classroom. I completely forgot that I would not just be traveling with D, but also my meds.

Right now I am just on the Lupron, but it needs to be refrigerated.  The problem is neither my dad, nor D's family, knows that we are heading into IVF (or even that we are trying). Personally, I don't really want to tell either set. I think both would be thrilled for us - I am not worried about judgement or anything like that. It's just - how many people need to know?* If we were still doing it "naturally" I would certainly not say, "hey - I am ovulating this week. Mind if D and I excuse ourselves and get busy on the guest bed?"  Plus, there is something nice about having SOME people in this world who will hear about this child as complete surprise.  For D's parents, this is is the first grandchild. Throughout this whole process, telling them we are expecting is one of the biggest things I have been looking forward to; telling them that we are trying dims that a little for me. And of course,there's my fear that the IVF will not work and by telling less people, at least I've staved off some pity.

Therefore, I have been wracking my brain for ways to hide my meds. I've considered in a putting it in some kind of food container (like a tofu box - both sets of parents would steer clear like it was a nuclear warhead), but of course my fear is someone will accidentally throw it out. I could say it is a medication for something else, but my step-mom is a medical secretary, so I feel like I would be on pretty thin ice there. I've even considered just keeping it on ice packs in our room, but of course I am afraid that will somehow compromise this cycle, and I don't want to do anything else to jeopardize it (I learned my lesson from the late pill).

So for anyone that has gone through this - any ideas? Did you have any great disguises for your meds? Is there some infertility genius that has capitalized on this need and already marketed materials for this very purpose? Or am I just being crazy and should spill the beans? D is all for telling them. He feels the more prayers and support, the better.



*you know, besides my mom, that entire side of the family, my closest friends and the entire world wide web. It's amazing I have not taken out a billboard. But I think because it's because I have told so many people that my desire to have a secret from some important people is so strong.

11 comments:

  1. When I had to take the meds while at work and needed them in the fridge, I just put them in a plain paper bag.

    As for family, I ended up telling them (even though we didn't have to do any refrigerated meds around them) and I am so thankful I did. It was just so nice to have some one to talk to if needed. Most times the subject only came up when I brought it up. It also took off some of the pressure of the "when are you having kids?" question (we had been together 10 years and married 2 when we started TTC.)

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    1. I may try the paper bag trick...that is how I have hidden the specimen cup in the fridge at work on trigger days (oh, the glories of TTC).

      I am in a similar boat - this is D and my 10th year together and 2nd year married. I know his parents are starting to wonder...

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  2. I can totally relate to your reluctance to reveal specifics. I am cautious to disclose just because I don't want to give away the point at which we get a BFP. I learned my lesson about telling people early after my first two losses. I would rather tell people after than untell people. I hope you can devise a plan that works for you and the meds!

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    1. And that is my fear - I take nothing in this process for granted at this point, and I would completely rather tell AFTER anything happened (which I know I would). I think I am going to leave it up to fate and put them (in a bag) in the fridge. If someone questions, I will explain. Otherwise, I think I might just let it be...

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  3. When I was on an injectble (refrigerated) cycle and had to travel/fly for work, I got one of those small insulated lunch bags. Along with 1-2 ice packs, it gave me plenty of time to get to my hotel room fridge. I'm guessing if you stocked up on ice packs and kept them rotating, you might be able to keep it hidden in your room (you might have to find an excuse for just the ice packs though). Other than that- I'm outta ideas :(

    We already told both sides of our family so I've never had to hide meds. I once told my mom that I was disappointed that I'd never have that 'surprise' moment with her. She looked at me and said- "Tami, every baby, no matter if they are planned, unplanned, conceived with meds or not, is a beautiful surprise. Don't think for a second that you've taken that away from me." Thank goodness for mom- because that was exactly what I needed to hear.

    I'm not telling you this in order to try to sway you to tell either of your parents. There is no right or wrong decision here. But sometimes there are other ways ways to think about things. Follow your heart and... HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

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    1. That is such a great thing for your mom to say. And I logically get it, especially because we have gotten such amazing support from everyone we have told. I think I will wind up playing it by my gut. I will either stash it in the fridge and play dumb (not so much, "meds, what meds?" but more of a "don't ask, don't tell" and if they ask, tell). Or, I might just feel like sharing after a weekend together. I like the philosophy the philosophy that no decision is the wrong decision and am going to try and approach the weekend that way - because ultimately, everyone that we might tell loves us and wants the best for us.

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  4. Just do what feels right for both of you. I used an insulated lunch bag with cooler packs in my purse when I went to a wedding for the night. I'm thinking if it's a multiple day stay, you will still have to sneak the ice packs. Hope you have a great weekend :)

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    1. Thank you! We are still undecided so far, but think I am just going to brown bag it in the fridge and see what happens.

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  5. Maybe a lunch bag or even a brown paper bag.

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  6. Sounds like you have a plan but just to put in my two cents:

    I had a similar situation come up with my first IVF cycle. I was to start my injectibles during a week-long vacation at my dad's house, complete with 3 male friends of his visiting from out of state, as well as my grandma, my two sisters, and my nephew (although I wasn't worried about my nephew - he's only 3). I traveled in my sister's van with my meds in the styrofoam cooler, ice pack, and box in which the meds came in the mail. My sister never even noticed the box during the 10-hour drive.

    At my dad's house, I took my meds out of the cooler and wrapped them in two plastic bags and stuck them in the back of the fridge. But first I warned my grandma not to throw out the contents of the bag. Fortunately, she didn't ask any questions. Also, neither my dad nor any of my dad's friends noticed the meds in the fridge either. Whew! But the catch was that my dad and my sisters knew we were doing IVF (my grandma and my dad's friends did not know). So I had a smaller risk of being discovered.

    Also, my hubby and I made the decision to tell our parents that we were doing IVF because we wanted them to pray for us. We thought the more prayers the better! But I did have a period of mourning knowing I would not get to surprise them with the news of a positive pregnancy test. I reasoned to myself that I would rather have their prayers than the surprise element because the prayers would help get us to where we wanted to be: with our take home baby! : )

    Have a fun trip!

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  7. Hi- so loving your blog :-)

    I did a similar thing to the paper bag idea. I have trust issues so I wrapped my meds in paper towels, then, put them in tupperware in a shared fridge at work.

    I've told everyone and their uncle about IVF- but only because it's a small city and I didn't want to get into a situation where some people know and others don't and I can't remember who's who or why I excluded them.

    But I totally understand the need for privacy and some space. The upside to everyone knowing is that they're supportive, the downside is that I have to give the same update about 3 million times a day and explain where I'm at in the process another 2 million - often to the same ppl over, over again!

    :-)

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